Well, we made it. There’s a long time until we have a win-or-go-home opportunity to be devastated in the way only Bills’ fans know, so you can loosen your balloon knot and get your pregame puke out of the way now with the PREGAMEDUMP.

This game, despite the NFL media revenue it will make and gross amount of offseason talking points, means LITERALLY NOTHING. No divisional or conference implications, just a figurative phallus-measuring-contest. I say this in an effort to diminish the impending doom that is the hangover you will feel tomorrow win or lose. The theme for the Bills tonight? Marathon not a sprint. Same theme goes for drinking Bills fans.

Don’t Do Anything You’ll Regret Tomorrow

The Bills are heading into California for the first time in Josh Allen’s career. The hometown boy has become a daddy and the entire country will be watching to see the Terminator version of Josh Allen. The only thing I ask of him, and assess to be deemed necessary for a Bills victory, is that he protects himself and keeps himself calm enough to not do something he will regret tomorrow. This isn’t to say regret watching an INT he shouldn’t have forced, or to regret talking shit and getting a penalty. This is me saying Josh Allen needs to recognize he’s no good to his team if he isn’t on the field tomorrow morning. It’s just week 1, no matter the buzz, and Allen needs to remain calm and vigilant with his head on a swivel tonight, and all season long, and the rest of his career. He’s been invested in heavily, financially and emotionally for Buffalo.

Bills fans also should take this advice. It is just week 1, don’t break your TV or drunk text your ex because the Bills might lose to the defending champs tonight.

Support the Youths

We all know Tre White isn’t playing and the Rams are drooling over the opportunity to haze the 2 rookie corners that will be playing in his place. The team needs to support the liability that their inexperience will provide in the initial stages of the season, and tonight’s atmosphere especially. The planetary pressure under the big lights of NBC in “El Eh” will be earth shattering enough to make you shake in your cleats, but Elam seems ready for the big time. I’m interested to see which CB (or both) come to HIT.

The last time the Rams played, it was in this stadium, in a SUPER BOWL. The Rams fanboiz will be loud despite the fact most of their current fans have never had a pro team until having 2 with a brand new stadium the last few years. Either way, the youths will be watching this game, and I need the Bills D to show the youths how to hit. Gang tackle, rip at the ball, leave a mark. The Bills d will have holes due to new corners Kair Elam and Christian Benford, but I expect them to find a rhythm and gain comfort in this big game, which will have them feeling very good in their first game in the bright lights of MONDAY Night on the 19th in Orchard Park with Billsmafia at home. If Edmunds and Milano can be big in pass game and HIT, the Bills can win.

Take it easy on young Bills fans, teach them the way. Show them history and proper fanhood.

Patience is Key.

I get it that we have Josh Allen, but this isn’t the AFC playoffs. We don’t need to waste the entire playbook because this game is on TV. I hope the Bills put up points and score in bunches, but I don’t need it to be because of Josh Allen making miraculous plays. I think the Bills will aim to keep it simple and execute. They carry 3 solid RBs who can provide different facets to the game, and I can see Dorsey trying out all 3 to see what we REALLY have with these 3. I have seen Josh Allen win us a game, let’s see someone else win Buffalo a football game.

17 more games until a win-or-go-home. Bills fans should skip the last call 4am postgame and just go home and rest up for next week, it’s gonna be a great season.

Kupp & Allen

The 2 Rookie Corners and Dane Jackson will have their hands full with the likes of Cooper Kupp and Allen Robinson. Each bring their own unique styles to the route running tree, and Kupp’s former (forever) QB mind enables him to find holes on the fly. I’m interested to see what the Rams do to get Robinson involved early, and I expect to see several easy screens and smoke screens to the 2. Quick game opens up Big Game Hunting and the frustrating body blows of Stafford’s quick game could frustrate the young DBs, but Poyer may also be a bit rusty. Micah Hyde and Jordan Poyer will be forced to make a lot of plays, and Poyer being out for so long lately makes me forecast seeing Jaquan Johnson some tonight. IF the Bills DL is as good as they say they are, the Rams will be playing quick all night, and if the Bills can lay the lumber on whoever tosses/catches the rock, they can make it hard for LA to come out on top.

Bills fans can end up on top if they don’t put all their eggs in the week one basket.

My thoughts.

If Allen maintains his calm. If he is efficient. If he doesn’t return to his rookie Sugarhigh ways, which I could definitely see being it’s the first game out for the Golden Retriever, then the Bills should win on paper. They have a superstar on their D in Von Miller who knows how LA rolls, though it might be weird for the rest of the Bills personnel to play at 5pm LA time. The Run game will be featured early and often for Buffalo, and if it is successful, it will help keep LA off the field. LA plays on a script and if Buffalo can break that script they can win. Josh Allen is also playing in front of his family, which will have him playing for something.

So.. admittedly,

I forecast a Bills loss due to not knowing who they are at this point in the season. I can see an early Rams lead, followed by a Bills team that returns to form after a halftime faceripping. Once Buffalo finds itself and stars align, they make it a game, but ultimately the Rams do enough to finish. 44-29 Rams. GOBILLS. It’s a long year, and the team will find itself within the next few weeks. I’m going to book that as my pick this week.. but..




I’ll be frank though I could also see a 55-13 waxing by Buffalo :)!